i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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