I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
