I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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