The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
