I smell stomach acid.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
