Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
time to smoke my breakfast
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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