giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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