I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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