You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
