I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
