Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize