Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
