So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
