Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize