I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
