I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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