I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
