You made me cry and you don't even care
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am spending my child support on dildos
this will be a night to untag.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
