I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
