So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
