Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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