Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
