I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
