Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
