I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
