we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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