So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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