I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
