I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
