She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
