just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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