I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
