Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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