i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
