I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
