She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
