I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you had me at cake vodka
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
