I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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