i just sent this text using only my big toe
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
