Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think your dad took our porno
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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