I want to walk on stilts...naked
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
