My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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