I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
