Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
