i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
