Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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