my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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