Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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