There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
