DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
