cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
