Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
