cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
