even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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