When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there was a trapeze. enough said
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
