Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
