talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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