fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
