I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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