I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
