cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
