That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
