I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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