I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
