There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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