What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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