She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
