fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
