accomplished twins. life is a go
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize