After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
