How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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