You work out of a Hotel?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
