I'm eating all of the evidence.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
