make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize