Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
