He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
