I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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