Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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