Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
