Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
