So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
