We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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