you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize