Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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