So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
