its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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