I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
