If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
