I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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