Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
